Thursday, August 25, 2005
With every bad apple that falls from the tree and stamps on my heart there are those that fall from the tree and make my life very very happy. The list in comparison to the bad list is very, but maybe that is a good thing. Maybe good people are supposed to pop into our lives sparatically among all the countless shits? This isn't going to be a negative blog, this is going to be a positive blog.
Now before I begin I have to say that according to most people I have never had a boyfriend. I always thought I had two guys I dated, but they were only about a month long each and apparently you have to be dating a guy for at least two to three months for it to be considered a full fledged relationship. I guess that is true to a point especially since those two "boyfriends" I had were both long distance, I don't think I got the full package. So here they are...
Love Interest #1...Cody
I met Cody at a club in Beaumont, TX at the beginning of August. It's the only gay club in Beaumont called The Copa and it's kind of trashy, but it's all we got down south so I used to go there a lot. We met and it was really nice. He was such a sweetheart to me. We danced to "Love At First Sight" by Kylie Minogue which was from then on, our song because both of us are huge Kylie Minogue fans. I told him I was leaving in a month for New York, but we didn't care, we went for the relationship anyway. At first it was really nice, we would have lunches and dinners and hang out often. He was very sweet to me. I was always suspicious of him though because at first because he would never tell me his real age which I thought was really odd. He actually never told me, I only know because I looked at his drivers license when he had it out one night at dinner. 32. Wow, an 18 year old and and 32 year old. This is where my older man phase first came into my life.
Well before I left for NYC I told him I thought I loved him and I wanted to stay together. Then I got to NYC and I got cocky and thought, I am in one of the gayest friendliest places in the world I don't wanna be attached to someone down south. I thought I would get all these boyfriends. Boy was I WRONG! So we dated for a little bit while I was in NYC but I broke it off with him. Part of the reason was because I wanted to experience other men, but another part was the distance. I don't like having a BF you just started dating so far away. It's hard. If I had dated him for a year or two prior to me moving to NYC, then it would have been a different story, but that wasn't the case. Well he was upset and he didn't care for me too much after that. I said we would be friends, but he would get angry at me if I didn't call him or anything. I went home for Christmas that year and I saw him at The Copa and he asked to hang out over the break and I said we could, but I never called him and I am sorry I never did. It really wasn't intentional, I just had a lot going on and didn't have time to hang out with him. Plus, I didn't want him to think I wanted him romantically in anyway.
When I got back to NYC he ripped into me about that online and he hated me for a while. I haven't talked to him in a while, but we last talked on friendly terms. I heard about a year ago, the police had a warrant for his arrest for something about stealing money from his work or something. I never talked to him about it, but it would not have surprised me. He was always a little shady. Like I said I thought I loved him, but I am not sure if I really did, but I did have feelings for him and I care about him still.
Love Interest #2...Mikey
"Mikey Likes It!" I have only ever actually fell in love with two people in my life. Matthew was one of them (see Mama He Treats Your Daughter Mean blog) and Mikey is the other man. I met Mikey online one weekend in NYC and we meeting up for lunch and then an afternoon hook up. He was only in NYC for the weekend doing some business for his job. He is actually from upstate NY, but now lived in Dallas. So we had a lot to talk about over sushi and he really really charmed me. He is a great guy. We hooked up but then ended up spending the entire weekend together and it was magical. Something I will always remember. He left the next day for Dallas, but we decided to try to make this relationship work and so we did. We talked to each other on the phone everyday for the next month unti he came back to NYC on business again and to visit. He took some extra days off to spend with me, so I spent the whole weekend with him again.
The entire month we were apart I once again hated the fact that we were so far apart from each other. I was also very confused about our relationship. What exactley were we? Were we full out boyfriends? Did we love ach other? I told him I loved him and we said it to each other all the time, but was it the truth? I only knew the guy for less than 24 hours. Then we spent the second weekend together and I knew I loved him. He wanted me to stay with for the summer in Dallas. With my situation with my family and the whole gay issue then and now, they would not understand if I just took off for the summer to spend it with my 32 year old boyfriend. Yep, another 32 year old who told me he was 27 online. I am beginning to sense a pattern here. Mmmm....I realized that Mikey and I were in two very different places in our life. He lived in Dallas and I had at least three more years left in NYC and there was no way I could pack ,y bags to go live with him. He had a hard time understanding this. Our last dinner together it was hard, but I had to call it off. Our last moments together we spent crying and kissing and holding each other in my work, Hollywood Tans, after we closed. It was very sad.
I realized I did love him, but it honestly would not have worked. We are still friends and he came up to NYC about a year and a half ago and we spent some time together as friends. Went dancing and to see a show. He's an amazing man. He has a husband now who he has been with for a while. They live together and I get kind of annoyed with him sometimes because everytime he talks to me, he always gloats about his relationship. Not to say that he's doing it on purpose, but it just so happens that whenever he talks to me Chuck has proposed to him in Times Sqaure over New Years or Chuck just bought me an island or something like that. I'm happy for him I truly am, but it gets annoying after awhile. If things in our life were along the same pattern things would have worked out, but it was the best thing.
Love Interest #3...Martin
Nearly two and a half years after Mikey I finally found someone I liked A LOT. It happend over the summer actually. My first summer in NYC because I got an apartment. I met Martin at a bar called The Cock. A very classy place indeed. Hehe. I saw him at the bar and took a drunk chance and went to go talk to him. He was the nicest guy, very sweet, beautiful with blonde hair and blue eyes, tall, muscular with a tattoo on his arm (such a turn on) and of course he is from Denmark and only in town for the weekend. I mean, what the fuck? Why can't I meet someone who I like who likes me who lives in NYC? It was on a Thursday I met him and I took him home, we had wonderful sex, but we liked each other a lot. I had to work the next day so he went back to where he was staying and we decided to spend the weekend together. So I rearranged my work schedule and that weekend we had a wonderful time going to the Guggenheim museu, the Empire State Building, he took me to dinner with champagne, we went to a karaoke night at a bar called The Duplex. It was amazing. We made love that night and the morning afterwards.
On Sunday I had to work at night and so we spent the day together shopping and had lunch. Then he had to leave and it was sad to say goodbye, but I had to. He wants me to save money and come see him in Denmark and I want to too. I am thinking Thanksgiving break if I can save up the money and if I don't have a boyfriend by then, which I probably won't. We're keeping touch with email. I don't love him yet, but I know if he had stayed or lived in NYC I would have. I miss him.
Others Worth Mentioning:
There are a few guys in my life worth mentioning who liked me, but who I decided I didn't care for too much.
Unknown....There was this one guy who I met my first year here who I just wasn't attracted to, but he was soooo nice to me. I forgot his name actually, but I remember we took a walk at night over by Battery Park and he sang in my ear to me. It was very romantic. Then that night I was falling asleep while we were having sex and he kept still trying to have sex with me. It was sooooo annoying.
Fred...Fred was a really nice guy who cooked me dinner and was really sweet to me, but once again I just wasn't attracted to him. He had a bull nose ring. Wasn't hot, but he's a really nice guy.
Chuck...Chuck is an older man I still see. We go out for drinks every now and then and have sex every now and then. He's a gay republican, rich, and he has a very hard almost cold personality that I am not too fond of, but he treats me well when we're together. He won't take me to dinner because he doesn't like me like that and honestly, it really wouldn't work out well. A good guy though.
Jeremy...I met Jeremy in the summer of 2004 in Texas of all places. We never had a romance, but I always wanted him and he always wanted me. There were a couple of times we could have gotten together and at one point he even invited me over to have sex with him but I was strong and knew we would regret it the next day. I have always had a crush on him, still do. He lives in Austin now and we still talk to each other now and then.
Cade...Cade was this guy I met during gay pride at a bar called Gym Sportsbar. He was very sweet and he was alright looking. I wasn't that attracted to him, but he bought me a few drinks and I kissed him a few times and he was nice. He seemed a little hot headed for some reason. He lives in Florida but comes up to NYC sometimes to visit cause he has a house in Jersey. I met him and then met someone else I liked more so I kept trying to avoid him most of the night, but he always found me. He called me that week and took me out to lunch and for drinks. He said to keep in touch, but I haven't talked to him since. He was nice and sweet, but again I just wasn't attracted to him to keep in touch. It would have been unfair.
Dr. Craig Beach...Such a soap opera name right? Haha. I love it! Dr. Craig Beach I just met this past summer at a club called Boysroom and we met for coffee soon after and we decided to have a date, I was called away to Texas on an emergency and had to cancel the date, but I called him when I got back to town but he never called me back and so I thought he wasn't interested. I saw him the weekend I spent with Martin at a bar called The Duplex and he said he lost my number so I called him later in the week and we scheduled our date. The date started off at a bar called G and I met up with him and a few of his friends for drinks. He bought one of my drinks. We went to eat and had good conversation. I touched his leg over dinner because he wasn't making any moves at all and he didn't make any move back. When the check for dinner came, we ended up spliting the check.
Ok it's cool we split the check and all, but I thought it was a date he wanted so every date I have been on when someone asked me out, they always pay, so I was taken aback by splitting the bill. We then split a cab to a bar called Secret where we once again met up with a couple of friends of his and had drinks that we paid for seperatley. I kept trying to get close to him but he wasn't responding in the slightest so I left and went to go join my friends at another club.
I was sooooo confused by him the entire time! Was it a date? Did he like me? Did I do something to screw things over? Was I supposed to pay for the evening? Before the official date we had went out for coffee and then went for drinks before, I thought he was into me. Guess not. I saw him a couple of weeks ago at a club called Opaline and he said hi to me but I was drunk and I kind of blew him off. Oh well. So much for being the next Mr. Dr. Craig Beach. God I love that name.
Why can't I get a man? A good, decent man around my age who I am attracted to. I have no reason or right to judge anyone based on their looks by any means, but it's just like a vicious cycle. I get all these guys who are attracted to me who I am not at all attracted to, but they are really nice and sweet. And I like these guys who are so not attracted to me. When does it all end for God's sake? Hopefully someday.
posted by Donny | 7:35 AM | 3 comments
Ed. Note: If you've bothered to read that beyond the bit about dancing to "Love at First Sight" by Kylie Minogue, click here.
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