Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Friday, 12 December 2008
People who secretly like IKEA
Nobody is supposed to like IKEA. It’s mass-produced identikit furniture which falls apart as soon as you get it through the front door. It’s the seventh circle of hell flatpacked into a cardboard box and delivered to you for the princely sum of £30. You’re supposed to hate it because it’s cheap and chivvy and brightly-lit and smells funny and everything is always out of stock. The rugs look cheap and the bed linen is scratchy and the towels never match. Shower curtains are grubby, cutlery is bendy and picture frames look tacky. People queue at the tills for decades and pot plants expire in the searing nothingness of its walls and yet- and yet- you like it. Secretly.

You don’t care that ten people on your street have the same bedframe. The towels are good enough for guests. You get bored of pot plants quickly anyway. You like wandering around in a borderline catatonic state fingering napkin rings and gazing sideways at fluffy rugs. You fantasise about having a kitchen just like that display one there and you’re sure you could find a million uses for that adjustable stool. Wouldn’t it be lovely to have a shower curtain that colour?

You like the fact that halfway through the trip when your interest and energy levels are flagging you can stop off at the restaurant and have meatballs (you always get 15 when 10 would have done). You dip your chips into the gravy and flick through the catalogue dreaming of what you want to buy. You buy nothing that you need, only things that you’ve seen and you queue up disgruntled and disappointed because they didn’t have the mirrored tiles this time or the pan you wanted had a loose handle, but you know that not getting everything this time means you can go back some other time and do it all again. And that’s good. Because you secretly like IKEA. And so does pretty much everyone else.
Posted by Based on a true story at 06:58 0 comments

Let's get truthful
What is the truth about you? Who are you? What do you do? What do you like? what are the things you think nobody knows about you?

I'd like to have a guess. I don't know all of you, or even some of you, but I reckon I've got a pretty good idea how to read you. In this blog, I'll reveal a thing about some of you. It may apply to all, but it will definitely speak to some of you out there.

There aren't many truths out there, but I've got a few for you. So here goes.
Posted by Based on a true story at 06:55 0 comments
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