Friday, August 02, 2002
Well, this would be my first log. Hmm, what can i say except quote Mr. Frank Sinatra, "The best is yet to come". How very optomistic.
It's funny you never know how much you've messed things in the past up until you're smacked in the forehead with it later on. In my case it's a girl. In my life it's always a girl that i get smacked with. This time it's a girl named Jesse. I first met her in grade 8 when i started highschool in Vancouver, BC. We were in the same Social Studies class. I thought she was cute, shy, and had a look about her that i find irresistable. Dark hair, pale complection. We got to know each other and one day she interduced me to her friend Elizabeth. Elizabeth was a mildly entertaining girl, she was no Jesse, but i the impression Jesse was giving me was that it wasn't going to happen between her and I. So, being the enlightend teenager i was i decided to ask out Elizabeth, only to find out after dating her a few weeks that she was probably the most annoying person i had ever met, and to top it off Jesse, the girl i was originally after had a crush on me the whole time, and I had blown it by dating one of her best friends. Needless to say nothing between Jesse and I transpired except a good friendship and a constant, but neutral flirtation. Then in grade 10 a month before I was to leave to Nova Scotia, never to be seen again, her and I started to kind of become infactuated with eachother again. I waited the whole thing out, unsure of what to do untill the Friday before i was to leave. That Friday we spent the whole day together we went to a park with a couple other friends and made, 'goo goo eyes' to eachother, all the time being very physical also, carressing, hugging, ect. As the day came to an end it was decieded that we would all seperate and rendez-vous at a party around 9pm. I went home, got changed, and made my way to the party. When i got there she wasn't there, and didn't get there untill an hour and a half later. By the time that she eventually showed up i was just about ready to call it a night considering that i had a 6 am flight the next day. I chose to pull Jesse aside before i left and talk to her about how i messed things up by not showing interesst before that moment, even though it was always there, starting when i first saw here back in gr 8. I also told her how i was planning to visit all the time and how i'd make it a consience effort to keep in touch. Well to keep it short i did none of the things i had planned to do. Although in my defence i did think of her almost every day for about a year.
Well, today i got a message over my msn messenger, ''hi there''. It was Jesse, we talked for about a half hour before she had to leave. It was great talking to her again, it really didn't start to bring up guilt and bad memories of how i fucked things up untill i finished talking to her and thought about all the promises i broke. I'm sure i'm leaving things out, but hey, i'm new at this hopfully i'll get better as things go along.
*I've decided to keep a record of the music i was lissening to when i wrote my logs. Here's the list;
hayden-tress lounge
sloan-losing california
stp-creep
frank sinatra-the best is yet to come
posted by Alex at 1:15 AM
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